You Fight Like A Girl

Am I the only person that thinks girls can be unusually cruel and vicious?  

During difficult times women can be the greatest pillars of strength known to mankind and by the same token girls can be incredibly mean and catty. 

There’s the key difference. There are girls and there are women. I’ve written on this topic before on a previous blog that’s now gone private. For now, let’s elaborate a little bit more on this subject.  There are crucial differences between the two. 

Women empower other women and feel empowered by doing so.  Lifting each other up during difficult times and helping each other grow. Even if it means the apprentice surpasses the instructor.  As a means of thanks and gratitude the apprentice in turn empowers the instructor by teaching them what they’ve grown to learn. There by empowering each other. This is an exemplary show of growth, maturity, gratitude and womanhood. 


A girl will berate, belittle and possibly hold another friend or colleague back out of fear of being surpassed in knowledge and accomplishment. Rather than help accomplish goals or encourage another friend, insecurities arise and take over and quickly dispel any probability of a flourishing, mature and thriving friendship or relationship. 

Studies across the world have been done regarding this very subject. The most absolute and root cause…insecurity. It’s them. Not you.  Interestingly enough, many of the fights that ensue are brought on by the insecure girl having an inner struggle with herself and seldom has anything to do with you personally.  If a grown woman is responsible for the sabotaging it’s due to her lack of ever having identified her own personal weaknesses and addressing them.  Therefore she behaves like the mean high school girl who gets her rocks off belittling the girl that’s capable of expression and showing emotion.  A warped sense of self comes into play here. The fun house mirror that they’re looking into that makes them look and feel tall although on the inside they’re small and scared. 

The road to hell was paved with the bones of men who did not know when to quit fighting.

Paulette Jiles, Enemy Women

My question is how are we as women able to identify if we’re guilty of this behavior ourselves?  Well, let’s think a little bit.  For the most part, we’ve all been the mean girl.  Whether it happened early on in adolescence or later on as we came to mesh with others in our close circles, maybe you were mean to a sibling.  We’ve experienced the torture or been the torturer.  It’s not hard to identify, the hardest part is admitting to ourselves we’re guilty of it.  We know what it’s like.   We are vicious, unrelenting when we’re really mad or hurt. 

Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Self Reliance In A Codependent World: Lessons For My Teenage Daughter

Learning to be self reliant in a codependent world is a rare gift that I hope you will find to be extremely liberating.  To my sweet Elisabeth, remember that everything I say and do for you is a calculated move.  That’s one of the blessings of motherhood.  You’re forced to think ahead for the sake of your children.  

It’s a funny thing to sit and chat with children about how you grew up.  The dynamics in every family and culture are so different. The times have changed drastically too.  I remember being in school and participating in various activities during our field day. Remember those?  That was the best day of the whole school year for me.  Getting your class to compete against your friends and their home room teachers in games of tug o’ war, what a blast! The number one thing I remember was winning in order to get a medal and ribbon.  Mediocrity wasn’t celebrated.  We didn’t get ribbons for participating.  We didn’t get our names printed on the school newsletter or paper for acknowledgement of participation.  We had to earn that.  Nobody ever suffered everlasting scars of torment from it.  Everything is so different now.  You can’t celebrate one person’s accomplishments without acknowledging every last tidbit everyone else did.  I’m here to tell you sweetheart, that you need to grow up.  You’ll have to be tougher than that if you want to be a strong, independent individual.  Being coddled that way isn’t teaching you anything other than to feel entitled.  The bad news is-The world doesn’t owe you a thing, okay?  

Recently, I was on Facebook, swiftly reading through posts and I came across one that caught my attention.  A young woman was on a tangent about how no one she knew ever liked pictures of her and her husband, she continued on about how she speculated this was probably due to jealousy.  Jealousy?  What if people weren’t on Facebook that day, or use automated posting apps like I do?  I seldomly have time to get on and actually read posts.  Most of my stuff is auto scheduled a month out.  Besides, why did people have to comment or like these posts?  Was she waiting on people to celebrate a picture she’d shared?   Naturally, my mind wandered the more I read on this….I forgot to like it and comment.. but that’s neither here nor there. 

As my oldest I hope I’ve instilled in you the caliber of my very pungently strong being so that you don’t feel you have to rely on the amounts of likes and comments left on social media platforms as a means of validity for anything.  You my dear, should know your worth and what you bring to the table.  Never wait for anyone to celebrate anything for you as a means of definition as to who or what you are or what your happiest moments mean to you.  Remember what I always say, it’s quality over quantity. I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies when it comes to the people I surround myself with.  I thought about this young lady and her post for several days, I began to think maybe she felt entitled to have people falling all over themselves to compliment her and comment and like what she was sharing.  I’m supposing no one ever explained to her that someone else’s opinions shouldn’t matter to her so long as she’s happy.  As I delved deeper in thought I came to the conclusion that only a person wearing a mask would care what anyone else thinks.  When you’re truly happy with yourself and what you’ve accomplished is someone else’s happiness for you really that relevant to your being?  Is that what you’re going to allow to gauge your overall happiness?   

Gloria Steinem Quote

I guess your old lady could be wrong where this young woman is concerned, I mean I’m no expert.  I’m just an over analytical fart.  In essence what I’m saying is, thank you for listening when we talk to you.  I hope you never change.  My hopes for you are that you continue to march to the beat of your own drum.  You’ve taken risks in competitions at school that ultimately would’ve scared the bejeezus out of me, and that makes me proud of you.  You’ve never stopped to check and see if the world is going to applaud you.  That thrills me because the world doesn’t stop to applaud you.  It doesn’t have to.  You’re doing what makes you proud and happy.  You’re not stopping to look around to see who’s watching.  You’re only stopping to help others along the way.  That’s a sign of a flourishing young woman.  Your self reliance and self confidence are shaping you each and every day and they change and grow with you.  Continue on with your balance of confidence and humility.  Stay hungry, stay focused, stay humble. 

Love, 

Mom

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Mean What You Say

I don’t make enemies, it’s just I’m not afraid to speak my mind, which can sometimes mean people don’t like what I am saying. –Alan Sugar

Shut Your Mouth

Am I the only one who’s so doggone tired of people not saying what they mean and not not meaning what they say?  Just spit it out already.  I’m not a mealy mouthed woman, obviously.  If I have a questions, I’ll ask. If I don’t like something I’ll let you know and if I disagree I’ll explain why. 

I don’t understand this whole cat and mouse game of words. It’s a contemptuous game of word play in all honesty.  If  you’re upset about what someone said or did and passive aggressively handle it or indirectly address it how can you expect the other party to ever know?  Let me be the first to tell you that, that method of communication is for the birds.  You’ve gotta take the bull by the horns and say what you’ve got to say; and mean what you say.  

If you’re upset, take some time to sort out your thoughts.  Take the emotion out of it so that you’re not making rash decisions based on emotions.  (Ladies, we do this a lot). 

  • Make sure you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill. 
  • Keep your word.
  • Listen.
  • Be honest, not ugly. There is a difference. 
  • Remember in being honest, not everyone will like what you have to say.  

It’s okay if you have a difference of opinion.   Being agreeable doesn’t make you more likeable.  You’re feelings matter too. You don’t have to hide the way you feel to appease anyone.  Speaking up isn’t always easy but it’s always best. 

–Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar. –Jenny O’Connell, The Book of Luke

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Rebel Without A Cause

 

Wild Woman

Have you ever felt like a rebel without a cause?  I’m talking, “I am woman hear me roar” rebellious.  More and more I’m finding myself to be more rebellious the older I get.  I’m not sure what’s happening here.  I’m finding that I’m challenging things that have been placed in front of me, questioning authority, pushing myself a little harder and not backing down for the sake of argument anymore.  I suppose it isn’t rebellion so much as growing up.  Although, most of the time it feels as though I’m rebelling.  Maybe, finding my voice; is a better choice of words.  I’m sure many would argue that, that has never been a problem for me.  I will agree that there was a point in my life where I had no filter on my mouth. There was no censoring of what I was feeling. I’m not sure why that stopped. Some would say that I matured, some that motherhood changed me.  Maybe it was a little of both. I remember at one point feeling that there was no use in stating what I felt because it fell on deaf ears.  Now, I feel like I should say it, whatever it is, for my own sanity; for the sake of not bottling things up, for the reason that I don’t want to return to feeling that what I say falls on deaf ears.  I’m not afraid of arguing anymore.  I’m not afraid to fight anymore.
I think of my grandmother a lot when I think about how my life is changing, about how I’m changing. I think about her wild spirit and how my grandfather always tried to tame her, to tame it.  Is this what happens with age?  With maturity?  We end up reverting back to the freest version of ourselves?  I should hope so.
Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.
Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples’ affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.
Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains — they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint — it is so hard to live with some of them — but a harsh old person is one of the devil’s masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen

by  Margot Benary-Isbert

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The Secrets Of Women Revealed 

  *Disclaimer like the famous Will Rogers once said “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”  I am by no means an expert on the inner workings of every woman. However I am a woman and I know that my husband struggles to understand me. I don’t speak for all women I only speak for the vast majority that I have come to know and understand to be friends of mine.  We like to sit and compare notes with one another on our down time because we have nothing better to do.  To the gentlemen reading this blog today, I’d like to make you aware that this may or may not be of use to you.  May God be on your side, good luck.

Me & Mrs Pacheco
Gruesome Twosome

Lesson 101: Men Feeling Like They Can’t Make Us Happy 

  • It’s not that you can’t make us happy it’s that you don’t listen and that makes us unhappy.  Believe it or not, we are delicate flowers, we only bite when we have to. 

Lesson 102: Asking What’s Taking So Long

  • Have you ever tried to shower, brush your teeth or even pee much less get dressed while being interrupted every 20 seconds only to stop what you’re doing to go help 4 members of your family look for shoes, belts, a shirt, a coat, shampoo, toothpaste, or a tie you’ve asked them to put away a gazillion times?  Try it. See how far you get and let us know if you didn’t forget to apply mascara or shave a leg. 

Lesson 103: You Think The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side

  • We’re all the same.  We all expect the same consideration we give.  If you believe otherwise you’ve got about as much chance as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin’ contest  at winning that one. 

Lesson 104: Make Us Swoon

  • Yes we want to continue to be wooed, not smothered but a little romance is nice.  Hold our hands but don’t invade our 18 inches of space it gets too hot. We’re older now, gotta mind those flashes. 
  • It’s only okay if we spoon you, your legs are heavy, you can’t spoon us. 

Lesson 105:  Make Us Laugh

  • Make us laugh but don’t be stupid or obnoxious, we’ll cut you. 

Lesson 106: Never Begin Any Sentence With My Mother….

  • We’ll make sure that’s where you end up. 

Lesson 107: Pay Close Attention To Detail 

  • This is and will always be your greatest investment.  Catch every little minuscule mention of something we love or of something we had as a child that meant the world to us. You’ll never go wrong as long you don’t get it wrong. Now if you bring home a gift your very first girlfriend mentioned she’d love to have…well, that’s goin’ over like a fart in church.  You better give your heart to Jesus, ’cause your ass is grass. 

Lesson 108: Learn What Each Traditional Anniversary Gift Should Be 

    • But don’t take this too literally. For example, at the fifth year it’s wood, or silverware. The colors are blue, pink and turquoise and the gemstone is sapphire.  Alternative gemstones are rose quartz, pink tourmaline and turquoise.  Don’t come home with a pile of wood or a package of silverware. Put some romantic thought into it.  Explain why you chose a particular gift.  And absolutely never have another woman help you choose a gift because there’s no fool like an old fool!

    Lesson 109: Take Genuine Interest In What We Do

    • Give us tips but don’t tell us how to do it unless we ask you to. 

    Lesson 110: Love Our Changing Bodies

    • We’re hardest on ourselves.  We’re afraid of the younger dumber models out there.  Genuinely compliment us.  Don’t overkill it, just mean it. 

    We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk. -Thomas Moore

        The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. -Thomas Moore

        To my husband Mario, thank you for always listening even though you’re hard of hearing.  Although you know I run a tight ship at home you’ve always managed to reign me in when I’ve been running’ around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Thank you for always supporting me and my crazy ideas and going with the flow.  Thank you for trying your hardest to keep me happy when I’m not even sure what I want.  Your effort, humility and sense of humor when all is up in arms is greatly appreciated.  Even though the timing of your sexual nuances can sometimes make my eye twitch you somehow manage to make me laugh.  Thank you very much for never buying me household appliances for Birthday or Anniversary gifts and for never saying “Well, my mom..” I knew you were a keeper.  Thank you for using that big brain of yours for other things than just sex and football.  Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  To many more years. Happy Anniversary my love. 

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        A Day In The Life Of Monica

        Funny story: Yesterday I ate a piece of cake that was sitting out on our community table at work. I asked everyone in the break room if it belonged to anyone. I was told no. That everyone had gone next door and picked up goodies for everyone to share and it must be out and up for grabs. Like the girl I am I opted for the sliver of chocolate decadence. I swear within a few seconds of devouring it a co worker walks in and is visibly upset. When I asked what was wrong she asked if I’d seen a piece of chocolate cake on the table. Although my first instinct was to want the earth to open up and swallow me whole, I said “yes, I just finished eating it. I’m sorry, I asked if it belonged to anyone and I was told no.” Just then, I was informed my client had arrived and I left the room. 

        My Doomsday Chocolate Decadence

        AWKWARD!

        As I left for the day I was telling my husband and friend what I had done. As they laughed with mass hysteria and teased me they said “this is why I love you!”

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        Freaky Friday 


        Don’t you just love the way men think? I wish I’d been blessed with a one track mind that solves everything with sex.  Unfortunately, I came out an over analytical, neurotic, Type A, worry wart whose last concern is with sex when it comes to problem solving. 

        This is an ode to my husband, who finds the best way to get to the root of a problem and find resolution is through sex.  I don’t know how he does it! He’s able to find the humor and perfect timing to make his pitch for sex at any God given moment. He’s slick about it too. His come hither eyes seem to be turned on as he so eloquently makes his case. That’s a gift ladies! A true marksman that never misses his target. 

        How is it he was given this gift of charismatic charm that works in his favor every time? I feel like I’m so far behind him on this subject.  For example, Today, he came home from work, our little one had a bit of a rough day. As I was explaining all the things that had gone awry today he says to me, with full confidence in his voice and his playful yet understanding tone “You know, it’s Friday the 13th today. Maybe we should join her and let ‘Freaky Friday’ work it’s devilishness on us. That way she’s not the only one afraid of things going thump in the night.”

        I started cracking up. I could’ve died laughing. He was serious too. He made his plea for sex. He’ll get it too. He always does.  

        There are days when I feel I’ve lost my sense of humor and then he comes at me with his sexual innuendos and all worry dissolves bringing me back down to Earth. He’s right, I’m just being mom.

        So to my dearest,  I’m sorry it feels likes this for you. 

              

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