2016 Goodbye & Good Riddance

Hello everyone, I want to start out by wishing everyone a happy new year. 2016 was no joke. I’m happy to have spent the last of the year in my sexiest pair of sweatpants after having had a massage letting 2016 melt away.

I’m not sure what 2016 was like for you all, but it was a doozy for me. I apologize for the long hiatus. 2016 was a huge year of growth, reflection and reform for me and my personal life. I felt much of what was going on was happening so quickly that before I’d even had time to process what had just happened something else was happening.  As an eye twitching control freak that likes her home a certain way and expects the same courtesies she gives, seeing things unravel and not having the celestial godlike abilities to control other people’s actions, I had to let go of many things and many people, mainly I had to let go of a part of myself.


I’m not saying I get my rocks off by being in control.  What I’m saying is I’m vocal about what I expect because I give everything I do 110%.  I don’t half ass anything I do, I do expect the same in return and I don’t expect anyone to give me anything, I’d much rather attain material things myself. (I love working and it brings me a certain je ne sais quoi. A discerning wakefulness of being alive.)

What 2016 taught me was that I was surrounded by people that did want things given to them and were okay doing things half assed and I was not okay with this.  Not, spiritually, not emotionally, not mentally, not even physically.  Mediocrity, is not okay with me. Not in what a person has to give, emotionally, spiritually, you name it. I’m not okay with mediocre love, mediocre effort, that whole “Meh, I tried” attitude, doesn’t cut it for me.

In an eye opening conversation with my bestie over the new year and it’s presumptuous promises of a healthier lifestyle and mending broken fences etc..it occurred to me that I’d never made any resolutions.

I suppose in my own way I’ve made private resolutions to myself and I’d decided on them way before 2016 was long gone.

Lessons I’ve Learned although they seem to be highly repetitious in many Pinterest posts and quotes, they’d never seemed to resonate with me until I was under fire. Relate, yes, but resonate down to my core? No.

  • If I was forgiven, I needed to forgive myself.
  • If I forgave myself, I needed to move forward. Not wallow.
  • If I was a crappy girl, I could be a better woman.
  • If I was a crappy daughter, I could be a better sister, mother, niece, cousin, granddaughter etc..
  • Change is possible, for those who want it.
  • In my darkest hours, I was stronger than I thought possible.
  • I am looking for peace.
  • I am not afraid to be alone.
  • I’ve taught my daughters more than I knew.
  • I’m actually proud of myself.
  • Even in moments of complete despair, I could make light of a dark situation.
  • My middle name should’ve been Misunderstood
  • My spirit remains wild and untamed.
  • My girls have my untamed heart.
  • My strength comes from my mom.
  • I am forgiving. Sometimes too forgiving.
  • I am hardest on myself.
  • Resignation is not a word my body copes with well either mentally or physically.
  • My heart is calloused in certain aspects.
  • I don’t want to share certain things anymore.
  • Silence is golden.
  • Self honesty is freedom.
  • The key to happiness is gratitude.
  • Taking time to heal is imperative.
  • Make time for yourself.  Your health is wealth. You only get one body. Take care of it.

Thanks for the lessons 2016, I’ll make sure not to take them in stride. I can’t say I’m sad to see you go. You were rough on me. Now, onward and upward!

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Beautifully Imperfect

I’m writing this today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.  Mario, read it as is!

Dear Friends and Family, I’m writing my own eulogy today because I want you to know that this day should be a celebration of my life.  I want to journal what I want to be said.  I don’t want anyone of you to be sad, or mad.  Like Winston Churchill said

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

To my sugar bug (Lizard): When you were born I vowed I was going to spend the rest of my life teaching you what life was about.  As luck would have it, it was you that taught me more.  I never dreamt  that what felt like a hefty 9 pound sack of  potatoes was capable of turning my life around.  That’s right my love.  You were 9 pounds of pure perfection.  Don’t get me wrong, you literally tore me a new one the day you were born.  Nonetheless, I forgave you for that.  Although I had to keep reminding myself that you were a blessing every time I sat down to pee and just FYI, I didn’t poop for two weeks because I was afraid it’d be worse than pushing you through my birth canal.  Sugar, I want you to celebrate our lives together.  I want you to remember all of the moments we shared and all of the lessons I taught you.

When you were 5 years old, I asked you to clean your room.  I walked by to check on your status and I saw you kicking your toys under the bed.  Seeing that just chapped my ass.  I thought to myself: what an ungrateful child I’ve created.  So angrily, I walked into your room with a large black lawn trash bag and I made you dig every little toy out and we pieced them all together and put them into their boxes and bags.  When you asked me what we were doing, I told you we were donating your toys to the less fortunate.  I told you never to ask me to buy you another toy again because you had no idea how hard I’d worked to give you everything only to have you kick my sweat under your bed.  I stuck to my word, we donated your toys and I never bought you another.  You were allowed books, crafts and movies.  I know it seems cruel.  I was angry and I was going to teach you a lesson you wouldn’t forget.  And you know what?  You learned.  About a year later you were visiting Mamita and Papito for a week in Cotulla.  When you met the next door neighbor’s daughter Lupita, you called me and asked me to pick you up.  I picked you up and when we got home you packed up the vast majority of your clothes,toys and dress up clothes that you’d collected from birthday and holiday gifts.  You gave them to Lupita.  I remember asking you if you were sure about what you were doing.  You said to me “Mom, if I don’t give this stuff to her, she’ll never have it.”                                                                               I knew at that precise moment your golden heart was way bigger than I’d ever imagined.                                                     I want you to remember that you taught me to be a bigger, better person, a better mother.

Emma (Punkin): Dear God, I knew I was getting two handfuls when I had you.  You were feisty even in the womb.  I remember when you had your first “boyfriend” Jeremy.  You two were inseparable.  Well at least up until he puked in front of you.  You were on a play date with ‘Pa , Jeremy and Jeremy’s grandma.  As you two strolled along hugging each other Jeremy suddenly threw up.  As Jeremy stood there crying and his grandma frantically tried to clean him up and calm him, you turned to ‘Pa and said while pinching your nose, “Eew. That smells!! ‘Pa take me home.  Bye Jeremy.”   My little Miss My way or the highway.  In a world where you can be anything.  Be kind, especially to your daddy and sister!

Mario, my love.  I will come back to haunt you like a raging poltergeist you’ve yet to see in one of your favorite scary movies if you don’t take care of yourself or the girls.  I don’t want you to be alone.  I want you to remarry if you find someone worthy of the blissful love you’ve given me.  Make sure you warn her that you’re kind of a pain and she’s gonna have to ride your ass like sea biscuit because let’s face it dear, that’s how I rolled.  By the way, if the girls don’t like her pay attention to that.  They’re telling you something.  And if they won’t tell you they don’t like her, I will 😈.

In all honesty, I really would like you to find a companion.  One that’s willing to wipe your ass if I’m not there to do it.  You may not return to an old flame.  Don’t be desperate.  She was a fucking twat waffle.  Besides, I’ll make your life fucking miserable even from beyond he grave.  I will not let you love them, because they couldn’t love you like you deserve.  Viejas panochudas!

My dad will probably still be around and she has to be willing to put up with all of you, as the family you are.

She has to have my strength Mario. She’s going to need it and so are you. You guys are a tough crowd. 😘 I’ll always love you. You were my everything.

“There was too much inside us. Maybe it was love or maybe it was something else. We had a light, a brilliance we tried so hard to ignore and all our faults had little significance to the story we were not willing to let go.”

Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

Remember to tell the girls all of the good, bad and the ugly about me, you know I always loved hearing you make fun of me with my double standards. Example: “Mario, we have to buckle down, we have to stop making these late runs to sonic!”

You: “Monica, you just said you were starving.”                                                                                                                           Me: “I really am hungry. I’m not talking about right now. But, yes in the future, stop me. Why are you going along with me?  Stop cooperating with me.”                                                                                                                                         You: “You said you were starving!”                                                                                                                                                     Me: “I’ll say anything for snacks. You have to know when I’m lying or not.  But, yes I really am hungry right now.  Not starving anymore, but I was when we left the house.”                                                                                                           You: mimicking me in a whiny voice “I’m starving. Let’s go to sonic!”

Remind them, like they can’t already tell that I was beautifully imperfect.  That my voice carried, I had a sailors mouth, I was always feisty, neurotic most of the time, extremely over analytical, high strung, total type A, sarcastic, brutally honest. Remind them that in all my craziness I was also very happy, considerate, caring, helpful, nurturing, a pretty good cook if I do say so myself, loving, funny, adventurous, and sympathetic.  Tell them all of the things I was, good and bad.  Keep me fresh in their minds.  And keep me fresh in my mothers and sisters minds too! I will not tolerate any of this moving in on my man shit! Babe, I’ll allow you to elaborate on this if you want.      Anyone tries anything funny and I’ll make sure all of you shit your pants. That’s a promise bitches!

“With open eyes, I see the world.  With an open heart I see the souls.  and with an open mind I see it all differently.”

Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

I will always be with you all as long as you keep my memory alive in your hearts.

“You will be the clouds and I will be the sky.  You will be the ocean and I will be the shore.  You will be the trees and I will be the wind.  You will be the stars and I will be the moon.  You will be the sunset and I will be the horizon.  Whatever we are, you and I will always, always collide.”

Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

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The Ties That Bind

I’ve been wondering what direction my blog is taking.  It seems to touch on many subjects.  I like to think its multifaceted kind of like myself.

Lately, my focus has been on the great powers we hold as women.  I always say to my female clients l that we were built to last, to endure.  I find the things we’re capable of fascinating.  Have you ever met another creation as divine and diverse as a woman?

We are hunters and gatherers for our families. We work both inside and outside of the home.  We are just as much the protectors of our assets as men.  We are the encourage the fallen, we are guides to the proper path, we are fighters for the weak.  We are all multifaceted, with layers upon layers of experiences and ideas and creative thinking. We are the home.

The vast majority of us are nurturers by nature.  We are the ties that bind families and friends together.  We are capable of generating life, giving light in times of darkness, lifting and carrying the heaviest of burdens.  All while doing what needs to get done in order to keep everything and everyone functioning like well oiled machines.  We are sisters, friends, mothers, daughters, lovers and partners.  We’re movers, shakers, adventurers and memory makers.

We are women, hear us roar!
My final thought; I think we should strive to bind closer together. We can be pretty harsh with each other sometimes. We’re sisters, fighting the same battles, the same devils on different levels.

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36 Life Lessons & Still Learning 

1. Health is wealth. It’s easy to take your health for granted in your youth. Things are easy and inexpensive because you have youth on your side. Imagine paying for things because you’ve mistreated yourself and your body.  

2. Self care is more than self preservation. Self care is not only about caring for your body and mind, it’s also about nurturing yourself and your soul. Evaluating the company you keep and the things you do. Believe it or not, these are all things our bodies ingest.   

3. Seek respect not attention. There’s a huge difference between the two, don’t blur the lines.  

4. Karma is real, you’ll get exactly what is coming to you. (Remember Galatians 6:7) For whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap. Meaning, there are consequences for our actions. 

5. Kill them with kindness. As a young girl I hadn’t the patience for this. I learned later on to put this to use. It really is the absolute best defense.  

6. Reading psychology books really gives you a great upper hand at understanding people and their behavior. Everyone should read at least three different ones. Understanding the how’s and why’s plays a significant part in understanding and getting to know yourself as well as others and how you interact. 

7. Getting older isn’t that bad. I’ve enjoyed my life even more so now that I’m older than I ever did when I was younger. Sure, my joints creak a little and I may grunt after a long hike but, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy. 
8. The key to peace and joy is gratitude. Often times I thought peace and joy would come with job stability, steady income, love etc… The truth is yes, I’ve worked hard at all of the above but being grateful for everyday, and all of the above, and being grateful for waking for another day to put the day before to shame, that’s what’s brought me peace and joy. In an instant things can change, and if I’m not 6 feet under yet, I’m grateful to be here. When my day comes, I’m so happy I got a chance to be here and experience love, loss, pain, children, hard work, laughter; I’m happy I got to experience life. 

9. You’ve got to leave your comfort zone. If you want to move forward in anything, you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Life isn’t lived in a bubble. 

10. Make it a point to visit a good massage therapist monthly. Life is better when you’re aligned on the inside and loving yourself. Always remember the words of Eleanor Brownn~Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.

11. There’s always some truth behind every “Just kidding.” There’s always some knowledge behind every “I don’t know.” There’s always some emotion behind every “I don’t care.” There’s always some pain behind every “I’m okay.” Be aware, be cautious, be kind, but don’t be a door mat either. 

12. Never say never. Life moves pretty fast there are unexpected twists and turns. 

13. Don’t judge, often times we’re quick to jump the gun. Not a single one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Understanding and listening are key. You learn something new everyday. Try looking at things from a different window, gain a new perspective.  

Don’t trust skinny people that don’t eat tacos

14. Riches don’t matter as much as fulfillment. All the money in the world couldn’t buy you the happiness you’re in search of without gratitude, sacrifice, old fashioned hard work & faith. Every thing we love takes the above ingredients. 

15. Paulo Coelho’s introduction of The Alchemist is a Must Read! It changed my life. 

16. Listen more than you talk. 

17. Indulge in something really special every once in a while and share in it with someone. You don’t want to spend your whole life working without ever knowing what it is to live. 

18. Stretch everyday & every night for at least 10 minutes. You’ll thank yourself for sticking to this later. 

19. Giving is so much better than receiving. When I was young and (heartless) inexperienced I had no idea what this meant. I learned from watching my parents and grandparents. I’ve taught my oldest well. She is the salt of the earth. There is no greater gift. 

20. Time alone with your partner IS imperative. Keep your bonds close, strong and well nurtured. 
21. Have a hobby. Life revolves around work and kids, everyone needs something to do to decompress.
22. Appreciate nature, it’s grander, beauty & strength. Go hiking, go for a walk, breathe, just breathe. Take it all in. 

Brackenridge Park

23. Laughter really is the best medicine.

24. Mean what you say & say what you mean. Life’s too short to leave important words unsaid and far too short to waste time with long tongued liars. 

25. Donate what you don’t need. 

26. Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. If you are sorry, prove it. Don’t let meaningless words fall out of your mouth. 

27. Don’t lose yourself to someone else.  
28. When you fall, dust yourself off and get up again. You won’t get anywhere laying in the dirt. 
29. Quality over quantity always. Especially with family. 
30. Make your place or space a home. Even when it’s temporary, you should feel at home after a long day. This will help you relax. 
31. Discipline. There’s a huge difference between being mean and discipline. 
34. Give praise & credit where it’s due. 
35. Take a real vacation. The world only seems small when you don’t get out enough to explore it. 
36. Trust your gut. That tiny voice that says don’t take that route today….is right.

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Wordless Wednesday: Years of Thanks

    

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

     

                                                                                            
 
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL

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