Rebel Without A Cause

 

Wild Woman

Have you ever felt like a rebel without a cause?  I’m talking, “I am woman hear me roar” rebellious.  More and more I’m finding myself to be more rebellious the older I get.  I’m not sure what’s happening here.  I’m finding that I’m challenging things that have been placed in front of me, questioning authority, pushing myself a little harder and not backing down for the sake of argument anymore.  I suppose it isn’t rebellion so much as growing up.  Although, most of the time it feels as though I’m rebelling.  Maybe, finding my voice; is a better choice of words.  I’m sure many would argue that, that has never been a problem for me.  I will agree that there was a point in my life where I had no filter on my mouth. There was no censoring of what I was feeling. I’m not sure why that stopped. Some would say that I matured, some that motherhood changed me.  Maybe it was a little of both. I remember at one point feeling that there was no use in stating what I felt because it fell on deaf ears.  Now, I feel like I should say it, whatever it is, for my own sanity; for the sake of not bottling things up, for the reason that I don’t want to return to feeling that what I say falls on deaf ears.  I’m not afraid of arguing anymore.  I’m not afraid to fight anymore.
I think of my grandmother a lot when I think about how my life is changing, about how I’m changing. I think about her wild spirit and how my grandfather always tried to tame her, to tame it.  Is this what happens with age?  With maturity?  We end up reverting back to the freest version of ourselves?  I should hope so.
Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.
Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples’ affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.
Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains — they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint — it is so hard to live with some of them — but a harsh old person is one of the devil’s masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen

by  Margot Benary-Isbert

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The Secrets Of Women Revealed 

  *Disclaimer like the famous Will Rogers once said “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”  I am by no means an expert on the inner workings of every woman. However I am a woman and I know that my husband struggles to understand me. I don’t speak for all women I only speak for the vast majority that I have come to know and understand to be friends of mine.  We like to sit and compare notes with one another on our down time because we have nothing better to do.  To the gentlemen reading this blog today, I’d like to make you aware that this may or may not be of use to you.  May God be on your side, good luck.

Me & Mrs Pacheco
Gruesome Twosome

Lesson 101: Men Feeling Like They Can’t Make Us Happy 

  • It’s not that you can’t make us happy it’s that you don’t listen and that makes us unhappy.  Believe it or not, we are delicate flowers, we only bite when we have to. 

Lesson 102: Asking What’s Taking So Long

  • Have you ever tried to shower, brush your teeth or even pee much less get dressed while being interrupted every 20 seconds only to stop what you’re doing to go help 4 members of your family look for shoes, belts, a shirt, a coat, shampoo, toothpaste, or a tie you’ve asked them to put away a gazillion times?  Try it. See how far you get and let us know if you didn’t forget to apply mascara or shave a leg. 

Lesson 103: You Think The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side

  • We’re all the same.  We all expect the same consideration we give.  If you believe otherwise you’ve got about as much chance as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin’ contest  at winning that one. 

Lesson 104: Make Us Swoon

  • Yes we want to continue to be wooed, not smothered but a little romance is nice.  Hold our hands but don’t invade our 18 inches of space it gets too hot. We’re older now, gotta mind those flashes. 
  • It’s only okay if we spoon you, your legs are heavy, you can’t spoon us. 

Lesson 105:  Make Us Laugh

  • Make us laugh but don’t be stupid or obnoxious, we’ll cut you. 

Lesson 106: Never Begin Any Sentence With My Mother….

  • We’ll make sure that’s where you end up. 

Lesson 107: Pay Close Attention To Detail 

  • This is and will always be your greatest investment.  Catch every little minuscule mention of something we love or of something we had as a child that meant the world to us. You’ll never go wrong as long you don’t get it wrong. Now if you bring home a gift your very first girlfriend mentioned she’d love to have…well, that’s goin’ over like a fart in church.  You better give your heart to Jesus, ’cause your ass is grass. 

Lesson 108: Learn What Each Traditional Anniversary Gift Should Be 

    • But don’t take this too literally. For example, at the fifth year it’s wood, or silverware. The colors are blue, pink and turquoise and the gemstone is sapphire.  Alternative gemstones are rose quartz, pink tourmaline and turquoise.  Don’t come home with a pile of wood or a package of silverware. Put some romantic thought into it.  Explain why you chose a particular gift.  And absolutely never have another woman help you choose a gift because there’s no fool like an old fool!

    Lesson 109: Take Genuine Interest In What We Do

    • Give us tips but don’t tell us how to do it unless we ask you to. 

    Lesson 110: Love Our Changing Bodies

    • We’re hardest on ourselves.  We’re afraid of the younger dumber models out there.  Genuinely compliment us.  Don’t overkill it, just mean it. 

    We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk. -Thomas Moore

        The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. -Thomas Moore

        To my husband Mario, thank you for always listening even though you’re hard of hearing.  Although you know I run a tight ship at home you’ve always managed to reign me in when I’ve been running’ around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Thank you for always supporting me and my crazy ideas and going with the flow.  Thank you for trying your hardest to keep me happy when I’m not even sure what I want.  Your effort, humility and sense of humor when all is up in arms is greatly appreciated.  Even though the timing of your sexual nuances can sometimes make my eye twitch you somehow manage to make me laugh.  Thank you very much for never buying me household appliances for Birthday or Anniversary gifts and for never saying “Well, my mom..” I knew you were a keeper.  Thank you for using that big brain of yours for other things than just sex and football.  Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  To many more years. Happy Anniversary my love. 

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        My Little Texas Tornadoes 

        Kids are the best. Being a mom to a teenager and a toddler can only be described as the perfect combination of wanting to snuggle and understanding why some animals eat their young. Balance. Life is all about balance right? 

        We recently took my Mom in law and family to Fredericksburg, Tx. They’d never been and we decided to go at the spur of the moment. 

        The family members without kids enjoyed wine and beer tastings, I got to visit all of the children’s boutiques and could only window shop from 30 feet away for fear that my toddler had suddenly developed the ability to cut glass with her fingernails and melt fudge with the same eyes she uses to try to burn holes into me. 

        Her first chocolate crush

        So we swung by the candy shop because it’s frowned upon to always be the bad cop and outside they had a life sized M&M and a bench with lollipops attached with cut outs for your face. I said to my oldest “let’s take your picture!” She ran over and put her face in the hole. Then my little one ran towards the bench and  climbed up to sit in it. I said to her “Pumpkin, why don’t you put your face in the hole too?” 

        I spy a little Texas Tornado
         

        Apparently the one time she decided to listen I wasn’t specific enough.  I got some flack from people on Facebook for this.  Just some good old fashioned fun and teasing. I was thrilled she’d even followed through with my request that I didn’t care which way she was facing.  But I did get quite the tickle out of this. She’s quite the smart ass.  

        I’m sure she’s looking at the camera and smiling on the inside
        Remember these?
        Chocolate covered bacon
        Chocolate covered jalapeños & chocolate covered pickles
        My little Texas tornadoes

        It was a fun trip, my two Texas tornadoes. One testing her wind strength and the other doing all the damage possible whether her winds are strong or not. Two completely separate storms that come together to reign my powers of motherhood in and make me laugh at the fact that they have my snarky personality. I’m fighting my own reflection.  

        When the lights go down in the city
        “When God Created Mothers”

        When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” 

        And God said, “Have you read the specs on this order?” She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts…all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands.” 

        The angel shook her head slowly and said. “Six pairs of hands…. no way.” 

        “It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” God remarked, “it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.” 

        “That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel. 

        God nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word. 

        “God,” said the angel touching his sleeve gently, “Get some rest tomorrow….”

        “I can’t,” said God, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick…can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower.” 

        The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed. 

        “But tough!” said God excitedly. “You can imagine what this mother can do or endure.”

        “Can it think?” 

        “Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator. 

        Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,”she pronounced. “I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model.”

        “It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”

        ” What’s it for? ” 

        “It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”

        “You are a genius, ” said the angel. 

        Somberly, God said, “I didn’t put it there.” 

        ― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

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        A Day In The Life Of Monica

        Funny story: Yesterday I ate a piece of cake that was sitting out on our community table at work. I asked everyone in the break room if it belonged to anyone. I was told no. That everyone had gone next door and picked up goodies for everyone to share and it must be out and up for grabs. Like the girl I am I opted for the sliver of chocolate decadence. I swear within a few seconds of devouring it a co worker walks in and is visibly upset. When I asked what was wrong she asked if I’d seen a piece of chocolate cake on the table. Although my first instinct was to want the earth to open up and swallow me whole, I said “yes, I just finished eating it. I’m sorry, I asked if it belonged to anyone and I was told no.” Just then, I was informed my client had arrived and I left the room. 

        My Doomsday Chocolate Decadence

        AWKWARD!

        As I left for the day I was telling my husband and friend what I had done. As they laughed with mass hysteria and teased me they said “this is why I love you!”

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        Exchanges Of Energy: 

        I’ve been a licensed massage therapist for ten years now. In the beginning of my ten year journey energy work was not something I believed in. I was always aware that an exchange of energy occurred I just wasn’t paying much attention to it. My focus was on fixing things. 
        I loved the clinical side of massage. I loved seeing physical changes of manual manipulation of muscle tissue and fascia. I lived to see and hear what my clients felt and how I’d helped them regain strength and range of motion.  
        Although, I still love the clinical aspect of massage and what I bring to a persons life, I’ve learned that there is a special exchange of energy taking place through massage, through touch at all times. Whether it’s good or bad, exhilarating or draining its occurring. 
        When I was attending massage therapy school they had a prayer posted on the wall. It read, May all my clients feel God’s healing touch through my hands. It was something I never forgot, and continue to repeat to myself and over every client that I lay my hands on.
          I never ask whether or not they believe, I just say my prayer and sync my breathing along with theirs, I listen to the music and let their bodies talk to me and let me know what they need from me. I watch for nonverbal cues, fingers curling, breathing, muscle tension, fidgeting, etc…and make adjustments accordingly.

        Power Of Touch

        Recently, I was telling my husband that I’ve noticed a greater ability to communicate with clients nonverbally. I couldn’t put into words so I related an experience I’d had that day. 
        While working on a woman earlier that day, I could tell it had been a long time since she’d done anything nice for herself. She’d mentioned she was visiting with a friend who was going to be moving away. As I began the massage, I could sense she was going through a difficult time. Of course I didn’t say anything, I did what I always do, I said my prayer, I asked that she feel God’s healing touch through my hands and that she let whatever she was holding onto melt onto the table warmer and allow herself to open up and breathe. As I worked my way through her back, neck and shoulders I could feel it happening, I prayed my thanks. Suddenly, I heard the emotional release, a quiet sob, I kept working thankful she was letting go. By the time I finished with her fingertips of her second hand she said through a quiet sob “I don’t know how, but, you’ve changed my life. I felt it. I don’t know what you did, but, you have. I feel different. It’s a good change, I can feel it, what did you do?” I told her “I prayed you’d feel God’s healing touch through my hands, and that you’d let your stresses melt here and stay here.” Silence ensued by another quiet sob from time to time. By the time I was done, she looked different. Happier. Fulfilled. Changed. I knew she was going to be taking better care of herself. 

        Touch & Memory, Muscle Memory

        My hubby didn’t find it as hard to believe as I’d imagined. I’ve given him massages where he’s asked me what I’ve done differently or he’s said things like “That one was nurturing to the soul.” 
        I suppose I’m sharing this because I feel more attuned with myself, in essence harmonizing my energy has really assisted in the quality of nonverbal correspondence between me and my clients. Cultivating that exchange has also proven to be a very valuable and fulfilling experience for me as well and has added so much more of a satisfying productiveness to my days. 
        I love what I do. I always have. I love learning new techniques and incorporating them into different services based on a clients needs. It’s the ability we have as people to correspond with each other that has truly fascinated me. The transmission and exchange of energies that occurs in such an intimate setting and being allowed in to rejuvenate, restore and rehabilitate someone is something that brings me so much peace and gratification.  

        Reasons To Get Regular Massages

        • To improve your overall quality of life
        • Helps with depression & anxiety 
        • Helps with pain management 
        • Improves circulation 
        • Decreases and helps with stress
        • Improves range of motion & flexibility 
        • Enhances the bodies immunity 
        • Reduces cramping & spasms
        • Reduces migraine pain
        • Enhances sleep quality
        • Helps with post operative adhesions 
        • Helps with swelling 
        • Helps with back pain & muscle injury 
        • Stretch over used muscles
        • Lowers blood pressure 
        • Calms the nervous system
        • Increases tissue regeneration 
        • Improves red blood cell count
        • Decreases muscle deterioration 
        • Improves muscle tone
        • Improves posture
        • Reduces mental stress 
        • Provides a sense of health & well being. 

        Words to Inspire My Fellow Therapists

        • Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain. ~Carl Jung
        • Where the spirit does not work with the hand, there is no art. ~Leonardo da Vinci
        • A really intelligent man feels what other men only know. ~Baron de Montesquieu
        • Healing yourself is connected with healing others. ~ Yoko Ono
        • Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen. ~Shakti Gawain
        • The real purpose of giving massage is to foster more depth of feeling for one another in order to bring out the love that often lies buried beneath the pain of everyday suffering.  ~Robert Calvert
        • On one level, massage actually has little to do with muscles and joints and hands and backs. It has to do with the person inside the body giving the massage and the person inside getting the massage. The real massage is the transmission of a message from the giver to the receiver and back again: and that message is likely to contain elements of gratitude, understanding, compassion and shared awareness.~ Steve Capellini 
        • The intention of touch is to create a therapeutic physiological event in the tissues of the patient, and the rationale underlying the technique is physiological, kinetic or mechanical in nature. From the patient’s point of view, the touch has its roots in non-verbal communication or communion. She does not experience the touch as merely a technique or procedure on her body tissues, it involves her self. She is being held, cradled, stroked, caressed, valued, cared-for, healed. The patient’s experience is above all a psychological and existential one. ~ Bevis Nathan
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        Freaky Friday 


        Don’t you just love the way men think? I wish I’d been blessed with a one track mind that solves everything with sex.  Unfortunately, I came out an over analytical, neurotic, Type A, worry wart whose last concern is with sex when it comes to problem solving. 

        This is an ode to my husband, who finds the best way to get to the root of a problem and find resolution is through sex.  I don’t know how he does it! He’s able to find the humor and perfect timing to make his pitch for sex at any God given moment. He’s slick about it too. His come hither eyes seem to be turned on as he so eloquently makes his case. That’s a gift ladies! A true marksman that never misses his target. 

        How is it he was given this gift of charismatic charm that works in his favor every time? I feel like I’m so far behind him on this subject.  For example, Today, he came home from work, our little one had a bit of a rough day. As I was explaining all the things that had gone awry today he says to me, with full confidence in his voice and his playful yet understanding tone “You know, it’s Friday the 13th today. Maybe we should join her and let ‘Freaky Friday’ work it’s devilishness on us. That way she’s not the only one afraid of things going thump in the night.”

        I started cracking up. I could’ve died laughing. He was serious too. He made his plea for sex. He’ll get it too. He always does.  

        There are days when I feel I’ve lost my sense of humor and then he comes at me with his sexual innuendos and all worry dissolves bringing me back down to Earth. He’s right, I’m just being mom.

        So to my dearest,  I’m sorry it feels likes this for you. 

              

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        Toddlers: Untamed Hearts

        I’ve been told many times that my life should be recorded, or that I should do stand up comedy. Hardy-har-har. Probably because the joke’s always on me right? So, I’ve mentioned a few times that both of my girls have my wild untamed heart. It’s true. They’re both wild in their own ways as am I. But my little one, oh boy is she giving me a run for my money. You know, I haven’t quite figured out why I’m being punished. 

        My mom tells me I was a good girl. Excellent in fact. I ate everything she made me, even told her what a great cook she was, I spoke in clear complete sentences by the time I was a year old. I took my naps, I was early to rise and early to go to bed. My kindergarten teacher Mrs. Stephenson told my mom I was the best napper in class. I was a bit of an over achiever if you ask me. 

        My little one on the other hand is on a mission from God (I believe this to be true with all my heart) to allow me the opportunity to test my better judgement or just straight up see if I can live the rest of my life in martyrdom. 
        Anyway, we were out buying some scratch off lottery tickets a few weeks ago. It was a warm Texas day. I was wearing my green cropped muumuu. So it wasn’t an ankle grazing one but cut to the length of the knees. My little one has had a love-hate thing going on with Disney’s Frozen. On this particular day she was loving it. She was singing and swaying the back of my dress from side to side as we waited in line. Despite my many pleads to get her to stop playing with my dress, she continued to ignore my requests and sing. As I got to the counter and I finished paying she was simultaneously ending her rendition of Queen Elsa singing Let it go; Coming to a close while belting out “The cold never bothered me anyway” she made her grand finale by lifting my dress over her head and shoulders exposing my granny panties to everyone waiting in line behind me. 


        This would’ve been livable if I had great legs or nice rump. In my mind it should’ve played out like the woman pictured above. 
        Instead, as I swatted my hand onto my dress to clamp it down and hide my granny panties, whilst speaking through gritted teeth and telling her we were leaving. I turned to face this. 

        The cashier stood frozen, hand covering her mouth and the woman in line behind me shut her eyes and began nodding her head side to side keeping her lips tucked into a tight line where she was fighting off the laughter that was threatening to bust out if she took one look at me. 

        I quickly bustled towards the door with my little one close behind and as I reached up to push it open my little one had taken a few steps back into the convenience store to eyeball some hotdogs and announce she was now hungry. I had no choice but to look back and face the people I was so desperately trying to leave behind. 

        All I could see was the line of people behind me staring and laughing hysterically. Thanks Pumpkin. Nothing on earth is quite as exciting or humbling as being your mom. 

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        2016 Goodbye & Good Riddance

        Hello everyone, I want to start out by wishing everyone a happy new year. 2016 was no joke. I’m happy to have spent the last of the year in my sexiest pair of sweatpants after having had a massage letting 2016 melt away.

        I’m not sure what 2016 was like for you all, but it was a doozy for me. I apologize for the long hiatus. 2016 was a huge year of growth, reflection and reform for me and my personal life. I felt much of what was going on was happening so quickly that before I’d even had time to process what had just happened something else was happening.  As an eye twitching control freak that likes her home a certain way and expects the same courtesies she gives, seeing things unravel and not having the celestial godlike abilities to control other people’s actions, I had to let go of many things and many people, mainly I had to let go of a part of myself.


        I’m not saying I get my rocks off by being in control.  What I’m saying is I’m vocal about what I expect because I give everything I do 110%.  I don’t half ass anything I do, I do expect the same in return and I don’t expect anyone to give me anything, I’d much rather attain material things myself. (I love working and it brings me a certain je ne sais quoi. A discerning wakefulness of being alive.)

        What 2016 taught me was that I was surrounded by people that did want things given to them and were okay doing things half assed and I was not okay with this.  Not, spiritually, not emotionally, not mentally, not even physically.  Mediocrity, is not okay with me. Not in what a person has to give, emotionally, spiritually, you name it. I’m not okay with mediocre love, mediocre effort, that whole “Meh, I tried” attitude, doesn’t cut it for me.

        In an eye opening conversation with my bestie over the new year and it’s presumptuous promises of a healthier lifestyle and mending broken fences etc..it occurred to me that I’d never made any resolutions.

        I suppose in my own way I’ve made private resolutions to myself and I’d decided on them way before 2016 was long gone.

        Lessons I’ve Learned although they seem to be highly repetitious in many Pinterest posts and quotes, they’d never seemed to resonate with me until I was under fire. Relate, yes, but resonate down to my core? No.

        • If I was forgiven, I needed to forgive myself.
        • If I forgave myself, I needed to move forward. Not wallow.
        • If I was a crappy girl, I could be a better woman.
        • If I was a crappy daughter, I could be a better sister, mother, niece, cousin, granddaughter etc..
        • Change is possible, for those who want it.
        • In my darkest hours, I was stronger than I thought possible.
        • I am looking for peace.
        • I am not afraid to be alone.
        • I’ve taught my daughters more than I knew.
        • I’m actually proud of myself.
        • Even in moments of complete despair, I could make light of a dark situation.
        • My middle name should’ve been Misunderstood
        • My spirit remains wild and untamed.
        • My girls have my untamed heart.
        • My strength comes from my mom.
        • I am forgiving. Sometimes too forgiving.
        • I am hardest on myself.
        • Resignation is not a word my body copes with well either mentally or physically.
        • My heart is calloused in certain aspects.
        • I don’t want to share certain things anymore.
        • Silence is golden.
        • Self honesty is freedom.
        • The key to happiness is gratitude.
        • Taking time to heal is imperative.
        • Make time for yourself.  Your health is wealth. You only get one body. Take care of it.

        Thanks for the lessons 2016, I’ll make sure not to take them in stride. I can’t say I’m sad to see you go. You were rough on me. Now, onward and upward!

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        Beautifully Imperfect

        I’m writing this today because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.  Mario, read it as is!

        Dear Friends and Family, I’m writing my own eulogy today because I want you to know that this day should be a celebration of my life.  I want to journal what I want to be said.  I don’t want anyone of you to be sad, or mad.  Like Winston Churchill said

        I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

        To my sugar bug (Lizard): When you were born I vowed I was going to spend the rest of my life teaching you what life was about.  As luck would have it, it was you that taught me more.  I never dreamt  that what felt like a hefty 9 pound sack of  potatoes was capable of turning my life around.  That’s right my love.  You were 9 pounds of pure perfection.  Don’t get me wrong, you literally tore me a new one the day you were born.  Nonetheless, I forgave you for that.  Although I had to keep reminding myself that you were a blessing every time I sat down to pee and just FYI, I didn’t poop for two weeks because I was afraid it’d be worse than pushing you through my birth canal.  Sugar, I want you to celebrate our lives together.  I want you to remember all of the moments we shared and all of the lessons I taught you.

        When you were 5 years old, I asked you to clean your room.  I walked by to check on your status and I saw you kicking your toys under the bed.  Seeing that just chapped my ass.  I thought to myself: what an ungrateful child I’ve created.  So angrily, I walked into your room with a large black lawn trash bag and I made you dig every little toy out and we pieced them all together and put them into their boxes and bags.  When you asked me what we were doing, I told you we were donating your toys to the less fortunate.  I told you never to ask me to buy you another toy again because you had no idea how hard I’d worked to give you everything only to have you kick my sweat under your bed.  I stuck to my word, we donated your toys and I never bought you another.  You were allowed books, crafts and movies.  I know it seems cruel.  I was angry and I was going to teach you a lesson you wouldn’t forget.  And you know what?  You learned.  About a year later you were visiting Mamita and Papito for a week in Cotulla.  When you met the next door neighbor’s daughter Lupita, you called me and asked me to pick you up.  I picked you up and when we got home you packed up the vast majority of your clothes,toys and dress up clothes that you’d collected from birthday and holiday gifts.  You gave them to Lupita.  I remember asking you if you were sure about what you were doing.  You said to me “Mom, if I don’t give this stuff to her, she’ll never have it.”                                                                               I knew at that precise moment your golden heart was way bigger than I’d ever imagined.                                                     I want you to remember that you taught me to be a bigger, better person, a better mother.

        Emma (Punkin): Dear God, I knew I was getting two handfuls when I had you.  You were feisty even in the womb.  I remember when you had your first “boyfriend” Jeremy.  You two were inseparable.  Well at least up until he puked in front of you.  You were on a play date with ‘Pa , Jeremy and Jeremy’s grandma.  As you two strolled along hugging each other Jeremy suddenly threw up.  As Jeremy stood there crying and his grandma frantically tried to clean him up and calm him, you turned to ‘Pa and said while pinching your nose, “Eew. That smells!! ‘Pa take me home.  Bye Jeremy.”   My little Miss My way or the highway.  In a world where you can be anything.  Be kind, especially to your daddy and sister!

        Mario, my love.  I will come back to haunt you like a raging poltergeist you’ve yet to see in one of your favorite scary movies if you don’t take care of yourself or the girls.  I don’t want you to be alone.  I want you to remarry if you find someone worthy of the blissful love you’ve given me.  Make sure you warn her that you’re kind of a pain and she’s gonna have to ride your ass like sea biscuit because let’s face it dear, that’s how I rolled.  By the way, if the girls don’t like her pay attention to that.  They’re telling you something.  And if they won’t tell you they don’t like her, I will 😈.

        In all honesty, I really would like you to find a companion.  One that’s willing to wipe your ass if I’m not there to do it.  You may not return to an old flame.  Don’t be desperate.  She was a fucking twat waffle.  Besides, I’ll make your life fucking miserable even from beyond he grave.  I will not let you love them, because they couldn’t love you like you deserve.  Viejas panochudas!

        My dad will probably still be around and she has to be willing to put up with all of you, as the family you are.

        She has to have my strength Mario. She’s going to need it and so are you. You guys are a tough crowd. 😘 I’ll always love you. You were my everything.

        “There was too much inside us. Maybe it was love or maybe it was something else. We had a light, a brilliance we tried so hard to ignore and all our faults had little significance to the story we were not willing to let go.”

        Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

        Remember to tell the girls all of the good, bad and the ugly about me, you know I always loved hearing you make fun of me with my double standards. Example: “Mario, we have to buckle down, we have to stop making these late runs to sonic!”

        You: “Monica, you just said you were starving.”                                                                                                                           Me: “I really am hungry. I’m not talking about right now. But, yes in the future, stop me. Why are you going along with me?  Stop cooperating with me.”                                                                                                                                         You: “You said you were starving!”                                                                                                                                                     Me: “I’ll say anything for snacks. You have to know when I’m lying or not.  But, yes I really am hungry right now.  Not starving anymore, but I was when we left the house.”                                                                                                           You: mimicking me in a whiny voice “I’m starving. Let’s go to sonic!”

        Remind them, like they can’t already tell that I was beautifully imperfect.  That my voice carried, I had a sailors mouth, I was always feisty, neurotic most of the time, extremely over analytical, high strung, total type A, sarcastic, brutally honest. Remind them that in all my craziness I was also very happy, considerate, caring, helpful, nurturing, a pretty good cook if I do say so myself, loving, funny, adventurous, and sympathetic.  Tell them all of the things I was, good and bad.  Keep me fresh in their minds.  And keep me fresh in my mothers and sisters minds too! I will not tolerate any of this moving in on my man shit! Babe, I’ll allow you to elaborate on this if you want.      Anyone tries anything funny and I’ll make sure all of you shit your pants. That’s a promise bitches!

        “With open eyes, I see the world.  With an open heart I see the souls.  and with an open mind I see it all differently.”

        Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

        I will always be with you all as long as you keep my memory alive in your hearts.

        “You will be the clouds and I will be the sky.  You will be the ocean and I will be the shore.  You will be the trees and I will be the wind.  You will be the stars and I will be the moon.  You will be the sunset and I will be the horizon.  Whatever we are, you and I will always, always collide.”

        Excerpt From: Robert M. Drake. “Beautiful Chaos.” Lulu.com, 2015. iBooks.

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        The Ties That Bind

        I’ve been wondering what direction my blog is taking.  It seems to touch on many subjects.  I like to think its multifaceted kind of like myself.

        Lately, my focus has been on the great powers we hold as women.  I always say to my female clients l that we were built to last, to endure.  I find the things we’re capable of fascinating.  Have you ever met another creation as divine and diverse as a woman?

        We are hunters and gatherers for our families. We work both inside and outside of the home.  We are just as much the protectors of our assets as men.  We are the encourage the fallen, we are guides to the proper path, we are fighters for the weak.  We are all multifaceted, with layers upon layers of experiences and ideas and creative thinking. We are the home.

        The vast majority of us are nurturers by nature.  We are the ties that bind families and friends together.  We are capable of generating life, giving light in times of darkness, lifting and carrying the heaviest of burdens.  All while doing what needs to get done in order to keep everything and everyone functioning like well oiled machines.  We are sisters, friends, mothers, daughters, lovers and partners.  We’re movers, shakers, adventurers and memory makers.

        We are women, hear us roar!
        My final thought; I think we should strive to bind closer together. We can be pretty harsh with each other sometimes. We’re sisters, fighting the same battles, the same devils on different levels.

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