Parenthood, age and experience have taught me the best life lessons. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.
I can’t plan every little detail out. Instead I set attainable goals. Life means sometimes my perfect planning will go ary.
I’ve lost my ability to whisper.
It’s easy to find Reislings to drink. Oops I meant reasons. I come from a long line of bad habits so I don’t keep it on hand. I’d hate for my children to paint a picture of me holding a glass. That’s not how I want them to remember me.
I like structure, order, neat and clean. Now that I’m older I’ve realized my rigidity can cause severe eye twitching anxiety. So I’ve created a chore board to get the kiddos engaged in helping me keep the house clean and I pay them well.
Secret signals fly over my head. I’m talkin’ I miss them like an idiot misses the point. I don’t have time to play charades. Just give it to me
Nature is one of the greatest healers.
Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual. We all do the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have available to us. Not a single one of us is a perfect parent.
I pray a lot. For everyone, even for the clients on my massage table. Prayers of thanks and gratitude make me happy.
I love and appreciate my husband’s mind. He’s got a big beautiful brain and a heart to match. When you’re young, you take things like intelligence for granted.
As long as I’m doing my absolute best at everything, I feel fulfilled and productive.
I admire all of the people that stay home to care for kids or work from home. I’m not one of them. I’m not strong enough to. I believe that requires a special person with much self discipline.
Music is still one of the most powerful languages, escapes, motivators, and mood changers out there.
Being able to read nonverbal cues from others is a gift.
Although I love company, I crave to have my family alone.
I really could survive in the wild out of the contents of my purse for at least a week.
Time goes by so much faster the older you get.
Depression can happen to anyone.
Don’t collect things. Collect love.
I now understand what my mother meant when she said “Now I know why some animals eat their young.”
There are fallacies in using work as an escape.
The stresses of balancing family, kids, work, school and spouses are real. Just because it seems under control doesn’t mean it is.
A minimalist lifestyle is so much more appealing the older I get. Seems like shedding years of weighted clutter is much more fulfilling than filling blank walls.
Your sense of smell never lets you forget anything.
Children manipulate you way faster than you could ever manipulate them.
Life is too short to leave important words unsaid.
1. Speak up. Don’t stay quiet for the sake of argument. Be heard. Create boundaries that you don’t want others to cross.
2. Alpha females don’t run in packs. I’ve often found myself alone. I usually don’t follow the crowd because I have my own things going on. I’ve learned that that’s okay.
3. Don’t disclose every little detail. It can and will be used against you.
4. Hard work doesn’t go unnoticed, laziness is noticed. Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done.
5. Save 20% of the money you earn from the time you begin working. Keep it in a savings or money market account solely under your name.
6. When you graduate from high school go directly into a trade school of sorts and develop a trade while you work through college. Maintain any licensure you’ve gained, you’ll be happy you did in the long run.
7. Not everyone who’s nice to you is your friend.
8. Separate your professional life from your personal one. There should always be a thin veil between the two. Allow glimpses in, but never intertwine the two.
9. Dress for the life you want. Not just the job you want. I’m not saying you have to strut around in high heels all day long. I’m saying don’t schlep around in pjs without make up because you will be treated according to what you project. You attract what you project.
10. Struggles will come up, you have a choice. You can let them defeat you or motivate you. Know your limits but, strive to set records.
11. Be careful who you choose to have children with. This person will forever be a part of your life whether it works out or not. If it doesn’t work out, they change, you change and it affects your children.
12. Read a few psychology and body language books while you’re young. The lessons you’ll learn in reading these books will keep you a few steps ahead of the game your entire life.
13. Sign language and a second language are always an amazing gift to possess.
14. Take care of your body and your health. Trust me, by thirty that shit catches up to you. Make some time for yourself.
15. When you get married, take time to nurture yourself and your relationship with your partner. You can’t let life and children take over. When all is said and done and the kids are gone, your partner is all you have left. Make sure you didn’t take each other for granted and you stay best friends.
16. Let go of people and things that make you unhappy. Laughter really is the best medicine.
17. Take up a hobby. Shopping is not a hobby.
18. Do some volunteer work, it’ll make you really appreciative of what you have.
19. Don’t buy things you don’t need.
20. Get rid of it if you don’t use it, it doesn’t fit or if it hasn’t been worn in the last 6 months. Buy staples of clothing, not things that are trendy.
21. If you become a mother, don’t let it define you. You were an individual before you became a mother. It’s easy to let it consume you.
22. Takers take, and haters hate. You can’t change people, so don’t try to. You either take them as they are or move forward.
24. Pay it forward. Acts 20:35 It is more blessed to give than to receive.
25. Be understanding of parents. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. Doling out advice and judgment is easy when you don’t have children of your own. Remember the old rule of different strokes for different folks. If you are a parent, maybe you lucked out with helping hands and great children. They’re not all the same and we’re not all the same. What worked for you may not work for someone else.
26. Respect Mother Nature
27. Enjoy some time unplugged from gadgets, phones and computers.
28. Don’t take things too personally, it’s not always about you.
29. Old ways don’t open new doors. If it was easy it would come with instructions.
30. You can either get up or give up. You always have a choice. Just make sure you can live with the choice you made.
~~I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman!
C. JoyBell C.
It was an exceptionally busy week for me. I had a great time at work and had some very interesting conversations. This week got me thinking about the silent thoughts we have as wives and mothers, and perhaps women in general. I wanted to bring attention to women, depression, and marriage ruts that are so easily fallen into. I wondered if we are all silent wives. I wondered if we all fall silent.
While our children sleep peacefully we fall asleep praying for them. Silently begging and pleading for them to always be well, thanking God for every last second with them. While our husband’s or partners are at work we manage to maintain a job, home, kids and everything else that comes our way. We silently ignore our own needs to ensure that everyone else’s are met and satisfied first.
While our parents find activities to occupy their retired time, we silently weep and take in the bittersweet beauty of watching someone we thought was invincible get older and celebrate the great moments we’ve had with them.
While people mistake our kindness for weakness and sacrifices for stupidity, we lay awake at night silently hoping that everything we’ve done is right and worth it.
While some of us wander through life completely oblivious to the battles and sacrifices we make, taking life in stride. We stand silently enduring the struggles of depression, carrying with us the secrets of our partners indiscretions, the burdens we feel of not being able to communicate the weight on our shoulders.
We, the silent women bear the weight of smiling to make it through another day without letting anyone know what we’re really feeling. We, the silent women maintain our composure while our other halves work ridiculously long hours because keeping up with the Joneses has taken over our lives. We don’t mention the pressures of staying fit and looking well for our other half while they take for granted the effort and time it takes to shave our legs, wax our unmentionable parts, manage a home, take care of children, work and muster the energy to be intimate.
We cry quietly on the inside waiting for someone who knows us well to recognize the fact that we’re exhausted, That we can’t make excuses for an absent spouse anymore.
We silently endure in our relationships what others would call abuse or negligence of a spouse in order to fulfill our promises to our children and other halves and avoid anything or anyone that may rock the boat we’re on.
We quietly accept to take on even more responsibilities as our children join more and more sports and activities; as our spouses request more of our support so that they can further their education or take that promotion.
We smile and downplay the severity of our emotional distress so that it appears to just have been a rough day although if you leave us alone we weep on our way to work as an outlet for the stress we feel.
We quietly carry on with the strength of a 550 horse powered vehicle, quietly but with much ferocity, humming through the streets not ever letting anyone know what’s really under the hood.
We, the silent stand humbly awaiting a moment as rare as a Sasquatch sighting, for someone to ask us ‘is there anything I can do for you?’
To all of the silent women out there, please know that I pray for you all on a nightly basis. I pray for you to speak up, to know that is okay for you to ask for help, I pray for strength and courage for you, I pray that you make yourself a priority. I pray for you ladies. I pray that you take a moment for yourself and that when you do, you can rest at ease knowing that I’ve heard some of your silent cries, that some of you have come to me to let go, and I’m happy to listen and continue to pray for you.
1. Health is wealth. It’s easy to take your health for granted in your youth. Things are easy and inexpensive because you have youth on your side. Imagine paying for things because you’ve mistreated yourself and your body.
2. Self care is more than self preservation. Self care is not only about caring for your body and mind, it’s also about nurturing yourself and your soul. Evaluating the company you keep and the things you do. Believe it or not, these are all things our bodies ingest.
3. Seek respect not attention. There’s a huge difference between the two, don’t blur the lines.
4. Karma is real, you’ll get exactly what is coming to you. (Remember Galatians 6:7) For whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap. Meaning, there are consequences for our actions.
5. Kill them with kindness. As a young girl I hadn’t the patience for this. I learned later on to put this to use. It really is the absolute best defense.
6. Reading psychology books really gives you a great upper hand at understanding people and their behavior. Everyone should read at least three different ones. Understanding the how’s and why’s plays a significant part in understanding and getting to know yourself as well as others and how you interact.
7. Getting older isn’t that bad. I’ve enjoyed my life even more so now that I’m older than I ever did when I was younger. Sure, my joints creak a little and I may grunt after a long hike but, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy.
8. The key to peace and joy is gratitude. Often times I thought peace and joy would come with job stability, steady income, love etc… The truth is yes, I’ve worked hard at all of the above but being grateful for everyday, and all of the above, and being grateful for waking for another day to put the day before to shame, that’s what’s brought me peace and joy. In an instant things can change, and if I’m not 6 feet under yet, I’m grateful to be here. When my day comes, I’m so happy I got a chance to be here and experience love, loss, pain, children, hard work, laughter; I’m happy I got to experience life.
9. You’ve got to leave your comfort zone. If you want to move forward in anything, you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Life isn’t lived in a bubble.
10. Make it a point to visit a good massage therapist monthly. Life is better when you’re aligned on the inside and loving yourself. Always remember the words of Eleanor Brownn~Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
11. There’s always some truth behind every “Just kidding.” There’s always some knowledge behind every “I don’t know.” There’s always some emotion behind every “I don’t care.” There’s always some pain behind every “I’m okay.” Be aware, be cautious, be kind, but don’t be a door mat either.
12. Never say never. Life moves pretty fast there are unexpected twists and turns.
13. Don’t judge, often times we’re quick to jump the gun. Not a single one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Understanding and listening are key. You learn something new everyday. Try looking at things from a different window, gain a new perspective.
14. Riches don’t matter as much as fulfillment. All the money in the world couldn’t buy you the happiness you’re in search of without gratitude, sacrifice, old fashioned hard work & faith. Every thing we love takes the above ingredients.
15. Paulo Coelho’s introduction of The Alchemist is a Must Read! It changed my life.
16. Listen more than you talk.
17. Indulge in something really special every once in a while and share in it with someone. You don’t want to spend your whole life working without ever knowing what it is to live.
18. Stretch everyday & every night for at least 10 minutes. You’ll thank yourself for sticking to this later.
19. Giving is so much better than receiving. When I was young and (heartless) inexperienced I had no idea what this meant. I learned from watching my parents and grandparents. I’ve taught my oldest well. She is the salt of the earth. There is no greater gift.
20. Time alone with your partner IS imperative. Keep your bonds close, strong and well nurtured.
21. Have a hobby. Life revolves around work and kids, everyone needs something to do to decompress.
22. Appreciate nature, it’s grander, beauty & strength. Go hiking, go for a walk, breathe, just breathe. Take it all in.
23. Laughter really is the best medicine.
24. Mean what you say & say what you mean. Life’s too short to leave important words unsaid and far too short to waste time with long tongued liars.
25. Donate what you don’t need.
26. Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. If you are sorry, prove it. Don’t let meaningless words fall out of your mouth.
27. Don’t lose yourself to someone else.
28. When you fall, dust yourself off and get up again. You won’t get anywhere laying in the dirt.
29. Quality over quantity always. Especially with family.
30. Make your place or space a home. Even when it’s temporary, you should feel at home after a long day. This will help you relax.
31. Discipline. There’s a huge difference between being mean and discipline.
34. Give praise & credit where it’s due.
35. Take a real vacation. The world only seems small when you don’t get out enough to explore it.
36. Trust your gut. That tiny voice that says don’t take that route today….is right.