Right Where I Need To Be

There have been many times I’ve questioned why things happen the way they do. I suppose it’s my imperfections and selfishness as a human being that make me think this way and question these things. I wonder when it will be my turn, my family’s turn to reap the rewards of our sacrifices and hard work.  I recently read something that hit me so hard I almost fell off my chair.  It stung.  When the reality of my absurdity hit me, a feeling of complete disregard for everything I’d been taught as young girl washed over me.  

Pearls of Wisdom from Curiano Quotes

How shameful that I’d allowed myself to fall into such a shallow pond and begin drowning.  When did I lose track of the many blessings I have?   I gathered myself together for a quick prayer of thanks. 

I sat and read this over and over again.   In my case it’s more like I’m not where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be. 
I realized quickly that I’m right where I need to be.  I’m learning.  I’m still a work in progress.  I realized how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve learned and continue to learn.  And yes, Thank God I’m not where I used to be! 
As we continue on our journey through life trying to be the best example for our children, guiding them, coaching them, preparing them, caring for them; even with our loved ones, spouses, parents, grandparents, friends. This is the greatest reward we could’ve been given. To have our family. They are my guiding light. 
The rest is gravy. What does anything else matter?  I have what money can’t buy.  That makes me rich.  And for that I am thankful. 

Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.
Valery Satterwhite

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2016 Goodbye & Good Riddance

Hello everyone, I want to start out by wishing everyone a happy new year. 2016 was no joke. I’m happy to have spent the last of the year in my sexiest pair of sweatpants after having had a massage letting 2016 melt away.

I’m not sure what 2016 was like for you all, but it was a doozy for me. I apologize for the long hiatus. 2016 was a huge year of growth, reflection and reform for me and my personal life. I felt much of what was going on was happening so quickly that before I’d even had time to process what had just happened something else was happening.  As an eye twitching control freak that likes her home a certain way and expects the same courtesies she gives, seeing things unravel and not having the celestial godlike abilities to control other people’s actions, I had to let go of many things and many people, mainly I had to let go of a part of myself.


I’m not saying I get my rocks off by being in control.  What I’m saying is I’m vocal about what I expect because I give everything I do 110%.  I don’t half ass anything I do, I do expect the same in return and I don’t expect anyone to give me anything, I’d much rather attain material things myself. (I love working and it brings me a certain je ne sais quoi. A discerning wakefulness of being alive.)

What 2016 taught me was that I was surrounded by people that did want things given to them and were okay doing things half assed and I was not okay with this.  Not, spiritually, not emotionally, not mentally, not even physically.  Mediocrity, is not okay with me. Not in what a person has to give, emotionally, spiritually, you name it. I’m not okay with mediocre love, mediocre effort, that whole “Meh, I tried” attitude, doesn’t cut it for me.

In an eye opening conversation with my bestie over the new year and it’s presumptuous promises of a healthier lifestyle and mending broken fences etc..it occurred to me that I’d never made any resolutions.

I suppose in my own way I’ve made private resolutions to myself and I’d decided on them way before 2016 was long gone.

Lessons I’ve Learned although they seem to be highly repetitious in many Pinterest posts and quotes, they’d never seemed to resonate with me until I was under fire. Relate, yes, but resonate down to my core? No.

  • If I was forgiven, I needed to forgive myself.
  • If I forgave myself, I needed to move forward. Not wallow.
  • If I was a crappy girl, I could be a better woman.
  • If I was a crappy daughter, I could be a better sister, mother, niece, cousin, granddaughter etc..
  • Change is possible, for those who want it.
  • In my darkest hours, I was stronger than I thought possible.
  • I am looking for peace.
  • I am not afraid to be alone.
  • I’ve taught my daughters more than I knew.
  • I’m actually proud of myself.
  • Even in moments of complete despair, I could make light of a dark situation.
  • My middle name should’ve been Misunderstood
  • My spirit remains wild and untamed.
  • My girls have my untamed heart.
  • My strength comes from my mom.
  • I am forgiving. Sometimes too forgiving.
  • I am hardest on myself.
  • Resignation is not a word my body copes with well either mentally or physically.
  • My heart is calloused in certain aspects.
  • I don’t want to share certain things anymore.
  • Silence is golden.
  • Self honesty is freedom.
  • The key to happiness is gratitude.
  • Taking time to heal is imperative.
  • Make time for yourself.  Your health is wealth. You only get one body. Take care of it.

Thanks for the lessons 2016, I’ll make sure not to take them in stride. I can’t say I’m sad to see you go. You were rough on me. Now, onward and upward!

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