I don’t make enemies, it’s just I’m not afraid to speak my mind, which can sometimes mean people don’t like what I am saying. –Alan Sugar
Am I the only one who’s so doggone tired of people not saying what they mean and not not meaning what they say? Just spit it out already. I’m not a mealy mouthed woman, obviously. If I have a questions, I’ll ask. If I don’t like something I’ll let you know and if I disagree I’ll explain why.
I don’t understand this whole cat and mouse game of words. It’s a contemptuous game of word play in all honesty. If you’re upset about what someone said or did and passive aggressively handle it or indirectly address it how can you expect the other party to ever know? Let me be the first to tell you that, that method of communication is for the birds. You’ve gotta take the bull by the horns and say what you’ve got to say; and mean what you say.
If you’re upset, take some time to sort out your thoughts. Take the emotion out of it so that you’re not making rash decisions based on emotions. (Ladies, we do this a lot).
Make sure you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill.
Keep your word.
Be honest, not ugly. There is a difference.
Remember in being honest, not everyone will like what you have to say.
It’s okay if you have a difference of opinion. Being agreeable doesn’t make you more likeable. You’re feelings matter too. You don’t have to hide the way you feel to appease anyone. Speaking up isn’t always easy but it’s always best.
–Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar. –Jenny O’Connell, The Book of Luke
1. Speak up. Don’t stay quiet for the sake of argument. Be heard. Create boundaries that you don’t want others to cross.
2. Alpha females don’t run in packs. I’ve often found myself alone. I usually don’t follow the crowd because I have my own things going on. I’ve learned that that’s okay.
3. Don’t disclose every little detail. It can and will be used against you.
4. Hard work doesn’t go unnoticed, laziness is noticed. Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done.
5. Save 20% of the money you earn from the time you begin working. Keep it in a savings or money market account solely under your name.
6. When you graduate from high school go directly into a trade school of sorts and develop a trade while you work through college. Maintain any licensure you’ve gained, you’ll be happy you did in the long run.
7. Not everyone who’s nice to you is your friend.
8. Separate your professional life from your personal one. There should always be a thin veil between the two. Allow glimpses in, but never intertwine the two.
9. Dress for the life you want. Not just the job you want. I’m not saying you have to strut around in high heels all day long. I’m saying don’t schlep around in pjs without make up because you will be treated according to what you project. You attract what you project.
10. Struggles will come up, you have a choice. You can let them defeat you or motivate you. Know your limits but, strive to set records.
11. Be careful who you choose to have children with. This person will forever be a part of your life whether it works out or not. If it doesn’t work out, they change, you change and it affects your children.
12. Read a few psychology and body language books while you’re young. The lessons you’ll learn in reading these books will keep you a few steps ahead of the game your entire life.
13. Sign language and a second language are always an amazing gift to possess.
14. Take care of your body and your health. Trust me, by thirty that shit catches up to you. Make some time for yourself.
15. When you get married, take time to nurture yourself and your relationship with your partner. You can’t let life and children take over. When all is said and done and the kids are gone, your partner is all you have left. Make sure you didn’t take each other for granted and you stay best friends.
16. Let go of people and things that make you unhappy. Laughter really is the best medicine.
17. Take up a hobby. Shopping is not a hobby.
18. Do some volunteer work, it’ll make you really appreciative of what you have.
19. Don’t buy things you don’t need.
20. Get rid of it if you don’t use it, it doesn’t fit or if it hasn’t been worn in the last 6 months. Buy staples of clothing, not things that are trendy.
21. If you become a mother, don’t let it define you. You were an individual before you became a mother. It’s easy to let it consume you.
22. Takers take, and haters hate. You can’t change people, so don’t try to. You either take them as they are or move forward.
24. Pay it forward. Acts 20:35 It is more blessed to give than to receive.
25. Be understanding of parents. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. Doling out advice and judgment is easy when you don’t have children of your own. Remember the old rule of different strokes for different folks. If you are a parent, maybe you lucked out with helping hands and great children. They’re not all the same and we’re not all the same. What worked for you may not work for someone else.
26. Respect Mother Nature
27. Enjoy some time unplugged from gadgets, phones and computers.
28. Don’t take things too personally, it’s not always about you.
29. Old ways don’t open new doors. If it was easy it would come with instructions.
30. You can either get up or give up. You always have a choice. Just make sure you can live with the choice you made.
~~I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman!
C. JoyBell C.
Kids are the best. Being a mom to a teenager and a toddler can only be described as the perfect combination of wanting to snuggle and understanding why some animals eat their young. Balance. Life is all about balance right?
We recently took my Mom in law and family to Fredericksburg, Tx. They’d never been and we decided to go at the spur of the moment.
The family members without kids enjoyed wine and beer tastings, I got to visit all of the children’s boutiques and could only window shop from 30 feet away for fear that my toddler had suddenly developed the ability to cut glass with her fingernails and melt fudge with the same eyes she uses to try to burn holes into me.
So we swung by the candy shop because it’s frowned upon to always be the bad cop and outside they had a life sized M&M and a bench with lollipops attached with cut outs for your face. I said to my oldest “let’s take your picture!” She ran over and put her face in the hole. Then my little one ran towards the bench and climbed up to sit in it. I said to her “Pumpkin, why don’t you put your face in the hole too?”
Apparently the one time she decided to listen I wasn’t specific enough. I got some flack from people on Facebook for this. Just some good old fashioned fun and teasing. I was thrilled she’d even followed through with my request that I didn’t care which way she was facing. But I did get quite the tickle out of this. She’s quite the smart ass.
It was a fun trip, my two Texas tornadoes. One testing her wind strength and the other doing all the damage possible whether her winds are strong or not. Two completely separate storms that come together to reign my powers of motherhood in and make me laugh at the fact that they have my snarky personality. I’m fighting my own reflection.
“When God Created Mothers”
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And God said, “Have you read the specs on this order?” She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts…all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said. “Six pairs of hands…. no way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” God remarked, “it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”
“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
God nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.
“God,” said the angel touching his sleeve gently, “Get some rest tomorrow….”
“I can’t,” said God, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick…can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.
“But tough!” said God excitedly. “You can imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,”she pronounced. “I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”
” What’s it for? ”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
Don’t you just love the way men think? I wish I’d been blessed with a one track mind that solves everything with sex. Unfortunately, I came out an over analytical, neurotic, Type A, worry wart whose last concern is with sex when it comes to problem solving.
This is an ode to my husband, who finds the best way to get to the root of a problem and find resolution is through sex. I don’t know how he does it! He’s able to find the humor and perfect timing to make his pitch for sex at any God given moment. He’s slick about it too. His come hither eyes seem to be turned on as he so eloquently makes his case. That’s a gift ladies! A true marksman that never misses his target.
How is it he was given this gift of charismatic charm that works in his favor every time? I feel like I’m so far behind him on this subject. For example, Today, he came home from work, our little one had a bit of a rough day. As I was explaining all the things that had gone awry today he says to me, with full confidence in his voice and his playful yet understanding tone “You know, it’s Friday the 13th today. Maybe we should join her and let ‘Freaky Friday’ work it’s devilishness on us. That way she’s not the only one afraid of things going thump in the night.”
I started cracking up. I could’ve died laughing. He was serious too. He made his plea for sex. He’ll get it too. He always does.
There are days when I feel I’ve lost my sense of humor and then he comes at me with his sexual innuendos and all worry dissolves bringing me back down to Earth. He’s right, I’m just being mom.
So to my dearest, I’m sorry it feels likes this for you.
I’ve been told many times that my life should be recorded, or that I should do stand up comedy. Hardy-har-har. Probably because the joke’s always on me right? So, I’ve mentioned a few times that both of my girls have my wild untamed heart. It’s true. They’re both wild in their own ways as am I. But my little one, oh boy is she giving me a run for my money. You know, I haven’t quite figured out why I’m being punished.
My mom tells me I was a good girl. Excellent in fact. I ate everything she made me, even told her what a great cook she was, I spoke in clear complete sentences by the time I was a year old. I took my naps, I was early to rise and early to go to bed. My kindergarten teacher Mrs. Stephenson told my mom I was the best napper in class. I was a bit of an over achiever if you ask me.
My little one on the other hand is on a mission from God (I believe this to be true with all my heart) to allow me the opportunity to test my better judgement or just straight up see if I can live the rest of my life in martyrdom.
Anyway, we were out buying some scratch off lottery tickets a few weeks ago. It was a warm Texas day. I was wearing my green cropped muumuu. So it wasn’t an ankle grazing one but cut to the length of the knees. My little one has had a love-hate thing going on with Disney’s Frozen. On this particular day she was loving it. She was singing and swaying the back of my dress from side to side as we waited in line. Despite my many pleads to get her to stop playing with my dress, she continued to ignore my requests and sing. As I got to the counter and I finished paying she was simultaneously ending her rendition of Queen Elsa singing Let it go; Coming to a close while belting out “The cold never bothered me anyway” she made her grand finale by lifting my dress over her head and shoulders exposing my granny panties to everyone waiting in line behind me.
This would’ve been livable if I had great legs or nice rump. In my mind it should’ve played out like the woman pictured above.
Instead, as I swatted my hand onto my dress to clamp it down and hide my granny panties, whilst speaking through gritted teeth and telling her we were leaving. I turned to face this.
The cashier stood frozen, hand covering her mouth and the woman in line behind me shut her eyes and began nodding her head side to side keeping her lips tucked into a tight line where she was fighting off the laughter that was threatening to bust out if she took one look at me.
I quickly bustled towards the door with my little one close behind and as I reached up to push it open my little one had taken a few steps back into the convenience store to eyeball some hotdogs and announce she was now hungry. I had no choice but to look back and face the people I was so desperately trying to leave behind.
All I could see was the line of people behind me staring and laughing hysterically. Thanks Pumpkin. Nothing on earth is quite as exciting or humbling as being your mom.
I’ve been wondering what direction my blog is taking. It seems to touch on many subjects. I like to think its multifaceted kind of like myself.
Lately, my focus has been on the great powers we hold as women. I always say to my female clients l that we were built to last, to endure. I find the things we’re capable of fascinating. Have you ever met another creation as divine and diverse as a woman?
We are hunters and gatherers for our families. We work both inside and outside of the home. We are just as much the protectors of our assets as men. We are the encourage the fallen, we are guides to the proper path, we are fighters for the weak. We are all multifaceted, with layers upon layers of experiences and ideas and creative thinking. We are the home.
The vast majority of us are nurturers by nature. We are the ties that bind families and friends together. We are capable of generating life, giving light in times of darkness, lifting and carrying the heaviest of burdens. All while doing what needs to get done in order to keep everything and everyone functioning like well oiled machines. We are sisters, friends, mothers, daughters, lovers and partners. We’re movers, shakers, adventurers and memory makers.
We are women, hear us roar!
My final thought; I think we should strive to bind closer together. We can be pretty harsh with each other sometimes. We’re sisters, fighting the same battles, the same devils on different levels.